Amorass Rhinosorass

Amorass Rhinosorass

 

Down in the valley where the birdies pick the grass

A birdie picked a feather from another birdie's ass

Said the mother to the birdie, "You must learn to pick the grass

And never pick a feather from another birdie's ass!"

 

So the birdies know the story, and they know what they must do

But the humans in the valley don't really have a clue

They think that they're in charge, for them respect is due

And they think they can teach rhinos, exactly how to screw

 

Well rhinos are quite solitary, because they have a horn

Which, if you ever meet one, be careful not to scorn

They are a little ugly, but that's the way they're born

Because they seldom fall in love, their hearts are seldom torn

 

Every six and thirty months they seem to fall in lust

And tear around the bundu in an attitude that's fussed

They bash up trees and kopies, so everything is bust

This periodic madness is what vets call the "Must"

 

But rhinos in the countryside are becoming rather rare

Some say that, "It's visitors, who at them always stare!

It makes them all embarrassed, so they seldom make a 'pair' "

So the Rangers got together, because they really care

 

They made a new contraption that could give a little shock

To stimulate a rhino and to rearrange his clock

Thinking that three years was up, and time to find a 'dock'

For the item he keeps hidden in a kind of folding sock

 

Well, the Rangers found a rhino and they caged him in a run

In spite that he was heavy and weighed more than a ton

But when they shoved electrodes where you never find the sun

The rhino just exploded and the fun had just begun

 

He galloped though the undergrowth, he galloped 'cross the plain

With the Rangers holding grimly to the bridle and the rein

The monkeys chattered wildly as he charged around again

While the vultures circled over, to see what they could gain

 

The Press had scattered rapidly and climbed up in a tree

To witness the catastrophe and write what they could see

The Director of the Wildlife was wishing he could be

Somewhere rather distant, like in Bomba Lo Zonke

 

The rhino with the sore ass was finally subdued

But not by all the rangers, now blackened, bruised and blued

But by a female rhino, who did something rather lewd

That I can not here record about, because you'll think me rude

 

So the moral to this story is, 'Let Nature have its Way'

Especially with animals who are both large and grey

They've been around for ages and they know just how to lay

The females of their species, in spite of all we say

 

Chris Higginson

(with apologies to the rangers for the serious work they do)

Dutch gym to introduce 'Naked Sunday'

By TOBY STERLING, Associated Press Writer Fri Feb 2, 5:33 PM ET

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Self-conscious about what you wear while working out? A Dutch gym plans to introduce "Naked Sunday" for people who like to huff and puff in the buff.

Patrick de Man, owner of Fitworld gym in the town of Heteren, said he got the idea in part from two of his customers who are avid nudists.

"I heard that some other gyms are offering courses on 'pole-dancing' as a sport, so I thought: Why not bring something new to the market?" de Man said.

He said the response had been overwhelming — positive and negative.

The 70,000-member Dutch Federation of Naturists was curious to see if Fitworld's plan would work, spokesman Bernd Huiser said.

"We recently conducted a large survey among our members, and most prefer to exercise with their clothes on," he said. "The most popular activities (for nudists) are things you do outdoors, like walking on the beach, or swimming in a lake, or maybe gardening."

De Man said the first question Fitworld customers were asking was whether it would be sanitary.

Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward. "We clean them every day anyway," he said.

The first "Naked Sunday" is scheduled for March 4.

 

 

« March Forth Young Man ! »  The old man said

“Must make a Stand and get Ahead

“No more flopping in your bed

“There’s no stopping when you tread

“On the ‘walker’ mustn’t dread

“Trying to pork her Ethel red

 

Sallied forth the Young Man went

With his manhood slack and bent

But ready for the main event

Where he could all his feelings vent

 

Imagine when he saw the whoppers

Of the others: all “Show Stoppers”

Wearing only their clod hoppers

With tags and names like Piet Van Kloppers

 

Feeling small and quite outclassed

The Young Man hid behind the mast

While he stared at all the vast

Boobs and Bums that wandered past

 

Then they started working out

Waving all their “things” about

Most of them were over stout

Of this there wasn’t any doubt

 

The sight just made our Young Man blush

The hairy armpits, hairy tush

And afterwards, the stampede rush

Like herds of hippos in a crush

 

To the new communal showers

Where they seemed to play for hours

With the soap that smelt like flowers

That “cleans and scrubs and also scours”

 

And so with dis-gust in his mind

The Young Man left that place behind

To find a bar where he could blind

The mem’ry of that “Bump and Grind”

 

Courses of Medication

 

Don’t get ill on Friday if you wish to guard your health

‘Cause those who gain from illness and take away your wealth

Will not be keen on Friday to probe those hurts and stinks

They’re out there catching birdies on the open golfing links

 

On Mondays you can count on them to be at beck and call

The birds called secretaries will not your requests stall

And if you get a malady on Tuesday afternoon

They’ll give you cures and fixatives, that is for health a boon

 

On Wednesday there’s a few who go to exercise their swing

But will come running if you call, you just give them a ring

On Thursday they’re preparing, for tournaments at clubs

But not the types you find in cards, or whist drives at the pubs

 

These are clubs where Doctors go for weekly consultation

Where surgeons slice and GPs hook and get congratulation

“That’s a beauty!” “What a putt!” They’ll show true dedication

So don’t get ill on Friday, friend, if you want medication