Amorass Rhinosorass

Amorass Rhinosorass

 

Down in the valley where the birdies pick the grass

A birdie picked a feather from another birdie's ass

Said the mother to the birdie, "You must learn to pick the grass

And never pick a feather from another birdie's ass!"

 

So the birdies know the story, and they know what they must do

But the humans in the valley don't really have a clue

They think that they're in charge, for them respect is due

And they think they can teach rhinos, exactly how to screw

 

Well rhinos are quite solitary, because they have a horn

Which, if you ever meet one, be careful not to scorn

They are a little ugly, but that's the way they're born

Because they seldom fall in love, their hearts are seldom torn

 

Every six and thirty months they seem to fall in lust

And tear around the bundu in an attitude that's fussed

They bash up trees and kopies, so everything is bust

This periodic madness is what vets call the "Must"

 

But rhinos in the countryside are becoming rather rare

Some say that, "It's visitors, who at them always stare!

It makes them all embarrassed, so they seldom make a 'pair' "

So the Rangers got together, because they really care

 

They made a new contraption that could give a little shock

To stimulate a rhino and to rearrange his clock

Thinking that three years was up, and time to find a 'dock'

For the item he keeps hidden in a kind of folding sock

 

Well, the Rangers found a rhino and they caged him in a run

In spite that he was heavy and weighed more than a ton

But when they shoved electrodes where you never find the sun

The rhino just exploded and the fun had just begun

 

He galloped though the undergrowth, he galloped 'cross the plain

With the Rangers holding grimly to the bridle and the rein

The monkeys chattered wildly as he charged around again

While the vultures circled over, to see what they could gain

 

The Press had scattered rapidly and climbed up in a tree

To witness the catastrophe and write what they could see

The Director of the Wildlife was wishing he could be

Somewhere rather distant, like in Bomba Lo Zonke

 

The rhino with the sore ass was finally subdued

But not by all the rangers, now blackened, bruised and blued

But by a female rhino, who did something rather lewd

That I can not here record about, because you'll think me rude

 

So the moral to this story is, 'Let Nature have its Way'

Especially with animals who are both large and grey

They've been around for ages and they know just how to lay

The females of their species, in spite of all we say

 

Chris Higginson

(with apologies to the rangers for the serious work they do)